i. tutoring gone wrong

My first ever Tinder meetup was a whirlwind of emotions for me.

There are a few things you should learn about me before we get into the story. First of all, as witty and charming as I may project myself via text, I’m a trembling, scared chihuahua when it comes to meeting someone in person for the first time. Second, I have a tendency to get overly excited, and thus prematurely attached to someone I barely even know.

With that being said, I feel we can continue on with the story of my first breakthrough into the wonderful world of tinder meetups. 

I had been talking to a boy – and for the sake of this story, we’re going to strictly refer to him as econ boy – for a few days. Econ boy and I realized we went to the same university, were in the same program, and thus had taken a few common classes since he was only a year or two ahead of me. I began talking about how I was struggling to get by in my econ class (but really, there was no exaggerating, I was really struggling to pass this one econ is no joke) when he decided to slip in how he had aced the class with ease. I feigned excitement because really, don’t be such a show-off and make me look dumb who do you think you are? One thing led to another, and somehow he was offering to tutor me in the class if I was interested. So I took him up on his offer and we spent the next little while trying to arrange a time between our classes to meet up on campus to study.

Let me just take a moment to say here that, as a normal human being using tinder which is a dating app, I took this offer as his clever way of asking to meet me, and not oh I don’t know, actually studying together. Please note, Mistake #1.

So the day finally arrives, and we both show up to our prearranged meeting location and that was the moment I knew how grueling the next few moments of my life were going to be for a few reasons:

  1. He was most definitely not as cute as his pictures
  2. He looked like the biggest douchebag I have ever laid eyes on
  3. Speaking to him made me want to go find the nearest hole to bury myself in because I was so painfully bored
  4. He was the kind of person who had nothing to brag about but still managed to be a conceited prick about everything he spoke about
  5. Did I mention he looked nothing like his pictures?

Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt (Mistake #2), I make the decision to not flee the area and see where this takes us. After all, it can’t be that bad right? Wrong. So very wrong, it actually got worse.

After exchanging pleasantries and greetings, he turned to me and asked me where my econ books were. I’m pretty dumb, but in my excessive planning for this exchange, I definitely brought my books but never had any intentions to actually open them up with econ boy. I laughed, quite uncomfortable might I add, and made a witty comment to express my disbelief of this whole situation. Wait? Are we like… actually studying? Is this what he thinks this is? Does he think I’m going to pay him for his services too? Turns out, econ boy was dead ass serious about the whole “tutoring” thing and we were most definitely not on the same page here.

We progressed to making awkward small talk about school, life, and friends since I was still refusing to actually study econ (Mistake #3 – probably should have accepted some help, I would need it in the future). As I alluded to before, he made me feel like talking to a brick wall would be more entertaining. Never in my life have I met such a dull individual with absolutely no social skills whatsoever. I was doing everything I could to get out of this one.

I had finally exhausted all possible conversations with this poor unfortunate soul when he said quite possibly the dumbest thing I had actually heard come out of his mouth all day. “When you leave here, are you going to go run and tell your friends how great I am?”

First of all, what??????? Second of all, WHAT? Am I going to tell my friends about how great you are?? You were literally the human equivalent of watching paint dry, I damn well am not going to tell my friends how great you are. Boring, yes. Conceited, definitely. Absolutely awful, you bet. But great? Not a hope in hell econ boy.

When I got past my absolute shock and horror of how painfully dumb he is and his apparent non-existent knowledge for social cues, I mustered up a nice witty remark. “What is there to even tell them… I mean, this was really nothing exciting and it would just end up being a waste of my time to tell them about it”. Yeah, talk down to me for an hour and you bet my final words to you are not going to be very pretty.

After I had made him significantly uncomfortable with my closing remarks I managed to smoothly pack my shit up and finally make a break for it.

“Send me a message later and we can chat some more?”

Yeah, I’ll pass on that one. (also, I managed to pass the class without a tutor, so Me: 1, Econ Boy: 0)

Should have swiped left.

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