vi. thin ice

The next few months were a whirlwind of emotions for me. Things between the side hoe and I picked up at lightning speed and it was the happiest I had been in a long time. It began to feel like we spent more of our time together than we did apart. Dinner dates, a quick late night bite to eat after work, coffee, shopping, skating, we did it all.

I’ll be the first one to admit I agreed to do things with him I didn’t even see coming. After the day of the hickey incidents (emphasis on the plural hickeys. Still very bitter about those), it was like a spark had been lit and there was no turning back. A lot of firsts for me happened in his car. Like I said in the past, he was fun. We had fun. Despite letting him do essentially everything else he wanted to do with me, I drew the line at going all the way with him and he respected that. He knew, and I continued to make it very clear, that sex was not something I was ready for with him. Or at least I thought he did. 

When you start dating around the holidays a lot of uncomfortable discussions need to occur. For starters, do we want to exchange Christmas gifts? I was all for it but he had other views so we skipped that. Fine by me, the concert tickets you were going to get were too expensive for my broke ass anyways. But the discussion of New Years was something that had been eating away at me for weeks. Would I get to kiss him at midnight? Was me asking if we were spending New Year’s Eve together thinking way too far into the future? I decided to wait and see if he brought it up and he surprisingly did one day while we were strolling hand in hand at the mall while I was doing my best to convince him he wanted new shoes. He asked if I had plans for New Years yet to which I replied that I hadn’t given it much thought (Lie. I had given it lots of thought) and asked what he was thinking of doing with his friends. He looked at me like I had just grown a third head before telling me that we would most definitely be spending New Year’s Eve together and that was that.

He surprised me with the idea of getting a hotel room in Niagara Falls on New Year’s Eve so we could spend the evening together and watch the fireworks and I was literally on the verge of tears because how did he know this was all I wanted to do. The idea of a hotel room together scared the shit out of me, and the fact that I would have to get this past my over protective parents was not going to be an easy feat. But the feeling that he wanted to get a hotel room for a reason other than the fact that it would be too late to drive home didn’t sit well with me. I knew deep down this was his way of saying let’s have sex finally. I’ve waited long enough. But that’s the thing. You haven’t even called me your girlfriend yet and you think I want to lose my virginity to you? No, I don’t work like that.

So I swallowed my pride one day and asked him flat-out what his intentions were for this evening we would be spending together. Did he only want to go so we could be alone and he could finally have his way with me? He tried to cover up the fact that yes, those were his intentions and said some bullshit lie that I believed and we went on with our days. To my knowledge, everything was fine and sex was off the table.

But the next day he got weird. He wasn’t replying to messages and seemed extra snarky and I knew it had everything to do with me saying I wouldn’t put out. He avoided every phone call and text message I sent asking to talk about it instead of pretending like it wasn’t a problem. Every concerned message I would send, I would get a very non-serious message right back from him. It escalated for hours until I had reached my breaking point. He finally admitted that yeah he thought we could finally do the deed since we had the opportunity to do so, but since that’s not what I wanted we wouldn’t be going to spend New Years at the Falls. I was good at composing myself up until that point but I lost all sense of control. Never have I ever felt pain like that. So New Years was only worth spending with me if I would put out? Nice.

I had decided with some urging from my closest friends and my sister that enough is enough and it was time to end things. We were clearly not on the same page and I didn’t need to be with someone who was going to pressure me to do something I wasn’t ready for. I didn’t speak to him for the next few days and he was seemingly unaware and asked a few days later if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat or go out and do something. I took that as my opportunity to see him one last time and settle this issue and end things with him. I had errands to run so I let him tag along. I was determined that I was going to end things.

When he got into the car it was like he became a whole new person. He knew I was upset before I could even get a word out and the apologies came flowing out of him like a river. Good. You should feel like shit because you were scum. We had a lengthy discussion about my lack of trust in him now and the fact that it had been months and Jesus I still didn’t even know what this was between us. He chose that moment to drop the girlfriend card on me because lord knows the boy sure does have a way with timing. He offered to do anything for me to show that he was serious about us, that he wanted this to work. I refused to give him any bait, because like I said, my intentions were to end this. But then he offered to meet my parents, something I had been trying to get him to do for the last month and a half and everything changed from there. I knew that him offering that meant a lot and I melted like the weak ass bitch I am.

So I took him to meet my parents that night and it was singlehandedly the most terrifying experience of my life. Nothing is worse than bringing your boyfriend home to meet your parents when they know you left the house an hour ago to break up with him. The looks on their faces were priceless. I knew damn well that we would be having an uncomfortable chat when I got home later that night. But for the time being, he finally took me skating like I had been begging to do since we first met and it is still to this day my favourite date we had ever gone on. He skated circles around me I was so bad, but cozying up with a cup of hot coffee with him and running around the park having a snowball fight was the most cliché night a girl could ask for. I might have gotten a lot of my anger out with some strategically thrown snowballs. Whoops.

Things between us got a lot better after that. He treated me better than he had before and we had a fresh agreement that sex was undoubtedly off the table until it was something I brought up. We were doing really well.

He accompanied me to a friend’s birthday where we hit the clubs and I gotta say, it’s nice having a boy with you who will buy you drinks all night long. I began to get irritated with him that he refused to spend any time on the dance floor with me and instead was more interested in spending the night with old high school buddies of his, but I let it slide. I was fine with the whole thing until I saw him step inside from the patio with a girl. Oh hell no. My petty ass marched right over to him and he damn well knew from the look in my eyes that he was dead meat. “On a scale of 1-10 how mad are you right now that I haven’t been with you all night?” I was like a 15 buddy. You’re dead meat. He dragged me onto the patio in the freezing cold with him to explain that he was just with friends and blah blah blah I’m sorry. He then chose that moment to tell me how he ran into his ex-girlfriend and they were talking for a bit. I’m sorry what? Your who?  No THANK YOU. What’s done is done so I swallowed my pride and let it go. I trusted him and knew nothing would happen so why get upset over something that already happened. He wouldn’t tell me what she looked like even though I promised my drunk ass wouldn’t say anything but I think we both knew that was a lie. He did however slip in casually that as we were making out on the patio she was watching so point 1 for me.

Suck it bitch, he’s mine.


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