vii. 5 words changed everything

The evening of December 31, 2016 will go down in history as one of the most memorable nights of my life as a result of 5 words.

Side hoe turned boyfriend and I had made plans to stay in the city for the big night as per my request. He graciously offered to tag along with whatever it was that my friends wanted to do that evening and I took him up on the offer. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally have him meet my friends on the rare occasion that everyone was in the same city. The idea of not getting to see each other after our night on the town wasn’t appealing to either one of us, so we agreed to get a hotel room walking distance from the club we would be ringing in the new year at. Before everyone starts to jump down my throat after the Great Niagara Falls Fiasco of Blog 6, getting a hotel room was my idea and sex was still off the table. Nothing had changed in that department. 

Just because we weren’t going all the way that evening didn’t mean that we couldn’t have fun doing other things, and boy did we ever. The time we spent together in that hotel room was well worth defying my parents and turning myself into their delinquent youngest daughter. Sorry parents, but I’ve been the ideal daughter for 19 years, let me do one stupid thing just this once. Let me just say, it is incredibly hard to focus on trying to slay the contour when your boyfriend is sitting on the bed watching you in nothing but Calvin’s. Never have I ever taken so long to get ready in my life. But I can’t say I made it easy on him either when he was trying to get himself ready.

Side note, guys don’t know how lucky they have it. This boy ran some gel through his hair, threw on a clean shirt, sprayed cologne and was ready to go. That’s not fair. I spent hours perfecting this look.

Eventually, we convinced ourselves that we needed to get ourselves out of the hotel room (mainly before I caved and did something I knew I would regret), and met everyone to pre-drink. It was kind of sweet to see how hard he was trying to impress everyone. Scratch that, it wasn’t just kind of sweet, it absolutely melted me into a puddle. Watching him throw himself into my group of friends and trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle I had already told him was amazing. Everyone seemed to love him and I was on cloud nine. The drinks were pouring, my heart was pounding, and everything was about as perfect as I could ever imagine.

By the time we made it to the club everyone was sufficiently drunk enough for the night to officially begin, and nothing says happy new year like one of your friends throwing up before 11 pm. I managed to get myself out of dealing with that one and was on my way to find the boyfriend on the balcony he was supposedly waiting for me on. It took my drunk ass way too long to find him but I am a strong independent woman (and I asked like 80 people where the balcony is) so I found him… smoking weed. Whatever he wanted to do in his spare time was fine by me, but we had already had a discussion the last time he tried to smoke around me about how I didn’t like it. By the time I reached him, he had gotten rid of it and gave me a look that said he knew he shouldn’t have done it. Buy me a drink and I’ll forget this ever happened.

So we weaved our way through the crowds of people and found ourselves on the slightly less packed upper-level bar where I had just acquired my 5th or 6th (free) vodka cran of the night. I was feeling good. Because we were those people, we found ourselves making out on the balcony, lost in our own little world. Everything at this moment happened in slow motion. He was staring down at me and even though I was slightly more tipsy than usual, I knew that for some reason things had just gotten significantly more serious. He started rambling on and on about how he needed to say something, and please don’t hate me for doing this while I’m drunk but it’s been on my mind for a long time and I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to do this the way I do now, but I’m in love with you. 5 words.

After going back and forth for an extended period of time (are you sure? yes. like really sure? yes, I love you. so you love me? yeah that’s what I’m trying to tell you.) and smothering him with kisses, I was uttering it right back. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if I truly felt the same way if I was being honest. But I felt it in that moment and that could have been a result of the copious amounts of vodka in my system or the fact that I had my hypothetical heart eye goggles on, but I still said it. And I think that despite everything going on in my head, deep down yeah, I did mean it.

The night carried on, and the smiles never left our faces. We were on top of the world. We were in love. For the first time in 19 years, everything felt like it was falling into place. I had my boyfriend by my side, I had his lips pressed against mine as the clock struck midnight and even though there were no fireworks outside, they were exploding in my head.

We had probably too much to drink by the time we decided to call it a night (not enough that I was dumb enough to put out, don’t worry), and I for one was ready for him to deliver on his promise to make the night even better once we got back to the hotel room. Leaving the bar he took one look at me and knew I wanted food more than I wanted to be alone with him at that moment so we stopped for food on the way back to the room and I was back to being my perky self. It was like having a sleepover with your best friend, but with expensive “pyjamas”, lots of kisses, and a boy who steals all the god damn blankets. I gave up on trying to keep the covers on my sliver of the bed mr. sideways sleeper was giving me and detangled my body from his and tried to sleep in the freezing cold air.

I woke up at one point way too early in the morning way too cold to even think about moving closer to him. I laid there staring at the wall contemplating all the ways I could get back at him for this one before feeling him stir, realize I was no longer attached to him and scoop me up to bring me back against him and giving me all the blankets making sure I was sufficiently warm. Instantly warm.

We grabbed breakfast the next morning after convincing ourselves that yes, we can do it, we can leave this bed. It was a Tim Hortons and lots of coffee kind of morning. Revealing that you were in love with each other takes a lot out of you. It definitely wasn’t the hangover from hell talking. Not at all. Don’t be silly.

I wish I knew that the next 5 words he would say to me after we parted that day would change everything.

I’m breaking up with you. 

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