viii. to new beginnings

The four days following our new years together were heartbreaking for me. And then it got even worse.

I didn’t realize that he wasn’t speaking to me until the afternoon of the 2nd. I had just figured he was busy with family stuff and a hangover after I dropped him off after breakfast and I didn’t want to continue to bother him, but I realized something was wrong the next morning when I was still not getting any replies. He would open all of my snapchats and not reply and was also ignoring my text messages. Of course, I knew immediately what was going on, but I don’t think I was ready to admit to myself that this was all about my decision to not put out. I kept the issue we were having on the down low this time. It was bad enough that I knew that half of my friends and my entire family hated him after the Niagara fiasco and things would only get worse if this one got out. So I bottled up all of my fears and worries and pretended like we were fine. I pretended like he definitely wasn’t rejecting my calls, or not answering to my pleading messages just asking what happened within the span of a day that I clearly didn’t understand.

By the third day, I had decided that enough is enough and I didn’t want to do this anymore. I couldn’t be with someone who only wanted me for hook up purposes and didn’t care about everything else that comes with a relationship. There was no trust. There was no care and affection. For him, it was always strictly physical. I knew I needed to end things, but I figured I owed him a little more than some petty text message which I knew was all he was reading. I would wait for him to remove his head from its location deep up his ass and end things once and for all between us. Although, I personally couldn’t justify doing it over the phone.

Clearly, we both don’t have the same sense of common courtesy because four days after new years, I received my first form of communication in the form of a snapchat. All it read was “what?” and I swear to god I have never plotted so many ways to murder someone so quickly in my life. Four days. It’s been four god damn days of nothing but total silence from you and all I get is a what. Are you kidding me?

He followed it up with a text message simply saying I don’t think this is going to work out I’m sorry. Now would be a really good time to mention that this is all happening while I’m sitting in the middle of a jam-packed lecture. He claimed he thought he wanted a relationship and when he was in one, realized it wasn’t what he wanted and – wait for it – we can still be friends. Yes, because I definitely want to be friends still with someone as disgusting as you. Excuse me while I go make us matching friendship bracelets.

If the whole, getting broken up with via text thing wasn’t bad enough, he claimed the only reason he dropped the L bomb on me was because he was really drunk. If you ask me, he only said it as a last ditch attempt to get into my pants, but what do I know. The whole thing just got progressively more and more annoying but I swear to god the next message he sent me sent my eyes rolling back so far I swear I saw my brain.

Hey listen, I know you’re really mad at me right now and you have every right to be, but I just found this picture of us from the club the other night and it’s really cute so I thought you should see it. (see blog vii for photo) Are you fucking kidding me? You’re in the middle of breaking up with me and you think I want to see some cute fucking picture of us, that was conveniently taken right after you told me you loved me? How hard did you fall and hit your head you inconsiderate prick?

So, that was it. I stopped replying to his repetitive I’m sorry messages and did everything I could to hold in everything I was feeling in that moment until I made it home to the safety of my own bed. I didn’t and still haven’t said a word to him since, and to be honest, I don’t plan on it either. He isn’t even worth my breath and I think about egging his house on a daily basis if it wasn’t for the possibility of getting caught. This doesn’t stop him from sending me random snaps from time to time as if we were still friends who catch up after a little while. But good luck sending me anything since I’ve deleted you from my friend’s list.

You’re dead to me side hoe.

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