v. the side hoe

Before I get into this one (and it’s a long one so stay tuned) there are a few things you should know. We will be referring to this one as the side hoe because that’s actually how things started out between us. Side hoe began messaging me when things were still going strong with the financial advisor and I never really gave him the time of day. I was dry with my replies – if I ever did come around to messaging him back. To be fair, he was the biggest fuckboy when things between us started, that he’s lucky I didn’t unmatch him at the beginning. His opening line was something along the lines of “you deserve food, massages, and orgasms in your life”. My response was about as dry as the Sahara Desert – “ok”. I should have known from that moment that this was going to be the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life.  Continue reading “v. the side hoe”


ii. take a hike

After my unfortunate meeting with econ boy, it was onto bigger and better things. I was ready to put my disaster of a first meetup behind me and pray to the high heavens that the next boy I encountered was not as painfully boring as he was. They couldn’t all be that bad right? (Spoiler alert: I’ll later find out they are all horrible)

I began talking to Harambye in the early fall of 2016. He gets his name from his decision to attend Halloween parties dressed up as Harambe – how creative and totally not basic at all of him, I know. Continue reading “ii. take a hike”